How to Buy a Bra

Have boobs that are not any larger than a D cup.

1. Have boobs that are not any larger than a D cup.

2. Ensure that you have never had a body dysmorphic thought in your entire life because if you have, then that will absolutely resurface as soon as you enter that changing room.

3. Spend months (preferably years) before you go shopping, building good relationships with the middle aged and older women in your life in preparation for the bra fitting you’re about to get from one of them, along with comments about your boobs being too big or too small.

4. Have disposable income.

5. Be ready to begin your campaign against overhead lighting.

6. Either, have your biggest support person there, or have absolutely no one with you because you know it will end with you in tears and strapped in to a bra like a roll of ham. There’s no point in exposing others to that.

7. Know that you will not end up buying a bra.